The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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