just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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