the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We are two peas in an std pod
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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