just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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