found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
