I feel great
I just peed on a car
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
