Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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