Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
