when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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