I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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