remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
