Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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