normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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