He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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