A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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