There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
