Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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