So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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