i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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