Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
