Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
