Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
