My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
