:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize