I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
