yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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