dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
