mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
