Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
