Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
