Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
