Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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