she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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