Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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