hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sobbing to NWA
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
