I cannot find my penis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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