I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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