Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
