glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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