haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
