I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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