i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
