who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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