sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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