jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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