The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
