apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
