She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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