Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
