apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
