Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
