there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
