I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
