I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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