She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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