If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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