Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
