I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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