oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't deserve a penis
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
