I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Vodka?
Forever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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