There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
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Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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