sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
