the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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