Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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