I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
