I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
