Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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