Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
