i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
