Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
