I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
