I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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