She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
