when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
