i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
