Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
