i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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