He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
