Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
