i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
