he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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