Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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